Some time after

So it's  already October.. about 2 months into the school year... I think I'm settling in pretty nicely; I'm still meeting new people, trying to get more involved, and study etc. I'm still trying to fully grasp dbhs, its atmosphere and the way things work. People always ask me which is better, Ayala or DBHS and I'm just like... honestly, I can't compare them because they're both so different! I like each one equally for different reasons. I do have small pangs of nostalgia now and then and I find myself missing Ayala and all the great people I left a lot.... I wonder how different things would've been, haha. But I quickly retract my "what if"s because if I hadn't moved schools, a lot of people in my life right now wouldn't be where they are. Sigh... I do miss everyone at Ayala though.. I have people ask me why I left and honestly, I don't have a good answer. I just moved... just because I could I guess haha. I got into the lottery so I just thought, ok why the hell not! Not a lot of poeple get the chance to change schools like I did so might as well make the most of it, you know! I don't regret anything I've done so far. I really don't. But that doesn't mean I don't miss the certain people that I left behind.. And recently things have changed so much that I'm....basically lost. I have no idea what to do LOL Maybe it's me who changed.. or them.. Most probably both, hahaha. I guess I didn't try hard enough? And vice versa? And maybe this was inevitable. It is difficult changing schools and trying to keep everything the way it was while adding on new things. You win some you lose some? -_-..?  It's still not 100% perfect at db. But what can you expect LOL You really can't expect to just perfectly fit into a group of people that has already been through a whole year together. There's been a year's worth of events that I can never be a part of and it does get hard. Like you're the only one out of the loop... But these feelings never last long and have been occuring less frequently nowadays, almost rarely! I do feel like I'm getting the hang of things! I'm liking how everythings going so far :) + The people I've been meeting. There are things I'd like to tweak and fix, but I am definitely not in any position to complain. Just hope for the best. Keep moving forward. See what the future has in store for me heheheh.

Arduous

 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you." [Luke 6:27-36 ]

I'm beginning to get the gist of it. I've started to realize that just because I was shown the bad side of a person, doesn't mean that person is a completely horrible human being. When I try and look at it objectively, I see that a lot of the people who have wronged me do have good/close/real friends. So if I think about it, that person hAS to have a good side; otherwise, why would any smart person stick around? I've been fucked over a few times in the past few years and I used to think: how could anyone ever be friends with them blah blah blah they're so fucking shady blah blah etc. But. they dO have friends ( I mean real friends btw). And that's the thing. They do have [real/best] friends so they must have a good side somewhere underneath that murky exterior I used to see. Just because I wasn't fortunate enough to run into their good side does not mean that good side doesn't exist. Realization: I don't have the right to separate the good people from the bad and  I should just ultimately, forgive and get over it. Hating someone is a lot of unnecessary work LOL. I would still keep my distance (it's impossibe to erase the past completely), but I am going to try to be on good/tolerable terms with them... imagine the difficulty lol but I really am going to try!! edit/ I don't really know why I used bible quote... didn't really choose it for any bibical purpose.. HAHAHAHA but the overall message relates pretty well so I guess that's why.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AM I WRITING SO MUCH TODAY

How do some people do it????

1st day of school was good lol I met a lot of new people already harharhar. I got homework on the first day of school-_- courtesy of Mr. Schaefer thank you!!!~~!~! But I finished it like the good student I plan on becoming heheh. I've been debating the entire day whether or not to try and switch to korean 2H (or even just Korean 2 for that matter).  But if I switch, my schedule is going to change (probably drastically) and I am content with my schedule and /most/ of my teachers as is... There is no Korean 2 second period, so if I do go up,  I'm going to have to switch around some classes and idk if I should risk it!! ersdjgkentgtrnwaskgmfnegv....................... And I have ashrey in my 5th and some other people in my other classes too:... I'll probably end up trying to go up anyways because my academic welfare outweighs my social needs 999999999999 times.. I need to stop trying to talk myself out of it lolololol.. Crossing my fingers that HoPEfullY my 5th period stays the same heeehee. I'm starting to regret choosing alg 2 h... He mentioned to us that we're going to have 2 hw assignments quite often + 1000POINT wtfwtfwtf tESTS (I am the worst math test taker) + 2 lessons a day idk about you but I can barely handle 1.... so I'm not entirely sure if I can keep up. Adding onto the list of things to think about, I most probably am going to take the SATs during the coming SAT season because otherwise, all the time spent over the summer wouldve been completely useless. But I don't think I'm ready yet nor am I content with my current score average.... TherefORe, I need more practice so I'm thinking of continuing the sat classes at lee's.... But with school and its homework (I have been well informed about the heavy workload of dbhsT_T_T_T) and the already set alg2 class at lee's and ITS homework (althought its probably not much).. CAN I HANDLE SAT (which also comes accompanied with a little bit of hw)!! .... Now I'm wondering how my social life is going to fit into everything. Jesussssssssssssss christ I suck at sorting out my priorities. I am a sucky student. This is probably very easy to handle for most people. SADLY I WAS NOT GIFTED WITH SUCH A SKILL sigh

1. Ask Hwang about test + moving up
2.Pray to God it doesn't fuck with my classes too much ^_^_^
3. Do SAT class. Do well in math (STUDYSTUDYSTUDY)
4. Do my homework
5. Say goodbye to social life and friends

When I sum it up like that, it doesn't seem like much...haaahahahaha.. if only:'( And yes.  I have decided to do SAT classes. Thank you for persuading me blogspot.

Ambiguous

I normally don't raise my hopes up for fear of disappointment.. but when it comes to you, I can't help myself. And then, I just end up getting disappointed (as expected) and honestly, it's probably nobody's fault, but mine... You didn't know this (because I would go out of my way to hide it) but actually, when it came to you I was very very weak, and I still am. The only difference is that now, I can tell you are finally figuring that out. I keep forgiving you, letting things slide, burying all the times you've unintentionally(?) hurt me, because I didn't want to touch anything that might have disrupted our relationship. I think the worst part is, you have no idea. But I am vey good at hiding it, so I guess that's not your fault. Sometimes, I'll silently BEggGGggg you to realize how I'm feeling but I know you, and I know that you will remain oblivious until the subject is directly brought up. Erdifkgsnejdkgnerg geez, it's always the little things.. There are times when my patience seriously wears thin and I think of just letting you go completely. Because maybe then I won't feel the way I constantly do. BuT then my mind flashes back to all the history we have, and I can't bring myself to do it because I love you too much. And you know, this feeling never usually lasts long. It goes as quickly it comes, but also vice versaaaa. If you're reading this (and you just might).. do me a big big favor. Don't bring this up. Erase this from your mind. Act like you have no idea such a post exists. I am writing this on a whim and there is a 80% chance that everything I've just said is complete shit and I don't mean any of it so... don't take any of it too seriously. I'll probably wake up tomorrow, reread this, decide it's bull, and then delete it

I have yet to discover exactly where my main interest lies..

I look through various people's blogs (usually tumblr) and I see how they all have their own established main interest eg. music, fashion, art, food, photography, dance etc. It's actually really inspiring looking through some of their posts. They have so much passion for what they love..... and then I wonder: WHAT DO I LIKE? WHAT ARE MY INTERESTS? WHERE IS MY PASSION!?! I examine myself and find that I am a pretty bland person with no real purpose or drive in life... LOL I don't really have anything I'm completely into. I mean, I like music. But I couldn't go so far as to say that it's my life or anything... There was actually a time around 8th grade where I was ~omg toedally fasHionIsTA~~~ and I cared so much about what I wore but that whole phase eventually faded away.... HAHAHA and now my current outlook on fashion is very loose and more along the lines of idgaf LOL it's nice to look great in ~stylish~ clothes but it's not really... a #1 priority, you could say. I prefer to just feel comfortable with what I'm wearing and as long as I don't look like total shit in it, I am satisifiiiiied. I like food, but I can be pretty picky and I just eat what tastes good so... I don't think food is it... Photography is a very easy nottttt + same with dance. mMMmm Art is tricky!! I've always liked drawing and doodling in class like any other student bored af in class but I'm not even really that creative or good at it so... I guess Art isn't it either LOL. And now that I've crossed the main things off the list... What's left!! Sigh///////////// ................It is 1AM so I think I'll put this thought on hold for some other time..

EDIT: I really like movies... butbutbut I consider movies to be more of a sub-interest... so...-_- LOL OK THAT WAS USELESS freals goodnight